What if?

What If Blog

In life, we make decisions everyday that will impact the rest of our lives. In a blink of an eye we choose this path vs the alternative, and our lives are set on a different direction forever.  I truly believe that we’re exactly where we’re meant to be, yet I can’t help thinking sometimes what if…...

You see much of my life was lived out of fear and scarcity.  I didn’t perhaps realise that’s what it was at the time, but I now know this to be true.  There are many choices I made because I was scared, but one that has impacted me more than most, was my decision to choose happiness resting on the size of my body.  As a result, I not only kissed away years of my life and time I could have spent with family and friends, I let the greatest love of my life walk away.  At the time, there was nothing more important to me than being thin. I couldn’t even see the man standing in front of me, the disease had taken hold and it ruled me. In every single area of my life.  I had this immense fixation that if I could be thin, then my life would somehow be perfect and I would be happy. The truth was, I already had an amazing life. I was working in the music industry doing stuff most people could only dream of, I was surrounded by incredible friends and I had a beautiful man who adored me, yet I was so crippled by the disease, that I just couldn’t believe in myself, never mind believe someone could love me exactly for who I am. 

Weirdly, it took a trip to Australia to wake me up from my bulimia fog and show me the life I could have. I was in love and I fell deep. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before. I was truly alive for the first time in years, yet sadly, by the time I came to this realisation, it was too late. I had lost him forever. The friendship drifted away and I sought out other relationships in hope I could find love again, but they were superficial and didn’t last. 

It’s been a fair few years since I’ve been in the darkness of bulimia and that story is perhaps best for another time. I do truly believe though, that my experience has led to me this place where I now get to help others who are walking this path.  That doesn’t stop me looking back and wondering had I chosen love, had I taken that leap, would I be sat here now sharing my life with my best mate and the love of my life?

I’ve learnt a lot from my past and one lesson this experience has taught me, is to consciously look at where I am making decisions and taking action out of fear vs love.  Remarkably, when we choose to move forward from a place of love, life gets to be that much easier, that much more in flow and that much more enjoyable.  

Ask yourself, is fear holding you back from having the life you desire?

Let me know if this resonates for you.